I'm not asking for a second chance I am asking for your forgiveness

At first it didn't bother me, but just like an hour ago it hit me and now I am drowning in guilt and I am so sorry. I am not asking you to take me back. I am asking you to forgive me because I feel SO much guilt it is literally eating me alive. I am now affectionate because all of my ex's went to different schools so I didn't really get a chance to be all lovey dovey. Only one ex went to my school and that's how things got so serious and I was always putting my all. That is why I am not good at showing my affection over technology. 

I miss you yet I don't want you back. I am so sorry yet I don't want to make it look like I miss you as my boyfriend. I am glad you found someone who can give you what you deserve I just didn't really hope that it would've came so fast. I really need you to forgive me and I hope you don't make that girl pay for what I did like how you made me pay for your ex's. 

I do not want you to hate me forever because forever is a long time and I don't want your hate to last forever :( Please please please forgive me. I just need to let this heavy burden off my chest. The guilt hit me super hard and I try hard to be strong for the sake of my family and friends, but once they say your name I just break down because I hurt you READILY and I can't live with this guilt :( I am so sorry 

I'm not perfect but.....

Yes I have flaws, yea I get jealous, Yes I don't have the skinniest legs, gigantic boobs, the prettiest clothes.

But there is one thing I do have.

The nicest smile, The friendliest welcomes, The comforting hugs, The funniest stories, The encouraging voice. And the Biggest Believing Faith I have ever had.

But I also get angry, jealous, lonely, hurt, disappointed,.

I get insecure I feel ugly I compare myself to other girls.

BUT I AM A HUMAN BEING!

I don't judge other people because I don't want to be judged myself.

I don't want people to leave alone sitting in the corner talking rumors around my back.

I don't expect you to be perfect so please don't expect me to be.

This generation looks on what is on the outside.The weight, The make-up, revealing clothes, snap-backs, piercings  tattoos all those things.

When did the whole not caring about how we look

We just wanted to laugh play and have fun.

Our world is changing and we are letting it.

Having sex, getting pregnant, smoking weed, drinking, committing suicide.

ALL UNDER 18.

This is so crazy where has the whole gone too? and where will it go?

In my world all I care about is how you treat people and if you can't give respect at least try by starting off with SELF RESPECT.

I don't wanna gain the whole world and lose my soul <3

I just can't

I can't pretend that everything is okay. I can't go to school feeling comfortable, I can't be perfect, Look perfect or act perfect. In other words I can't pretend to be a fake.

I can't be the real me because society will just judge me and bring me down.

I wear make-up because it helps my self confidence grow. To me it feels like I'm putting on a mask of confidence. I know I am covering up my real face, but that's because no one sticks around to see the FULL me. You don't know what its like to have friends with "Natural Beauty". They are so beautiful WITHOUT make-up and then there's me. A girl trying to get threw the day with a smile.

Being a girl is really hard. Society tells everyone what is beautiful and whats not.

Apparently beautiful is skinny girls with medium length of hair, light complected with long eye lashes and dazzling eyes or whatever.

When did the personality, friendliness , caring not matter anymore? 

Instead its all sex, drugs and money.

I don't smoke never have and never will.

I also never drank a sip of beer or wine in my entire life.

I never had sex or abused my money by buying stupid things like porn magazines or cigarettes.

Girls like myself who don't have sex, smoke, or drink.

God believers, body respecters and friendly strangers still exist in the world.

But if people now a days care about appearance and weight and other judgmental things.

Then I would rather be a lonely loser then surrounded by tons of fakers who don't even care about me.

Have you ever...

Have you ever felt as if no one wants to talk to you? or be seen with you? Like your a walking disease and no one wants to get infected? Well today felt like that.... I wonder if a certain person holds the strings and tells everyone not to talk to you. I walked into school today and I felt as if half of my class don't like me. I
know you shouldn't try to impress anyone, but it would be nice to have ONE day without my insecurities of a loser get in the way of my happiness. Sometimes when I get in my car I imagine what if I was in a horrible car wreck and I loose all my memory. All the bad things gone, but now I think why should I punish myself?  Why should I make my life MORE of a living hell?

There is only one person I know that can hear my entire life story just by my tears and sorrow.... and his name is God (:

That's right my one true only friend...... is a ghost.